True Neutral:
Broadway and Ellsworth
Broadway and Ellsworth are true neutral because their coordinates are literally 0° N,S and 0° E,W.
Lawful Neutral:
Colorado Boulevard
As a South-East-Denver child at heart, Colorado Boulevard was the busy street I knew growing up. It continues to be the busy street on which I travel the most.
It’s nice that I can blame the traffic on the lights, and not solely on other people. The squeegee men at the Colfax intersection always wipe my window, even though I never tip them. They always draw a heart with the soap before wiping it away. The drive past Glendale is impossibly long.
Overall 5/10
Chaotic Neutral:
Speer Boulevard & Federal Boulevard
I have both Speer and Federal in this category but for different reasons.
Most streets in Denver run on a standard grid. The streets downtown run along the course of the South Platte River, diagonal from the rest of the city. Speer Blvd runs along the Cherry Creek. It tears through the city from 32nd and Irving to 1st and Downing, running North to East.
It’s not a very long street, but despite its odd trajectory, it is often a convenient alternative to i-25 for getting around the city (a quarter of town);).
I appreciate it for making its own path, for going against the grain, for not being like the other streets. Still, traffic jams are frequent on Speer, so I wouldn’t call it good. It’s chaotic. Like a highway, I never know what kind of situation I’m going to end up in– but it’s not a highway, so I won’t call it evil either.
Therefore Speer can only be classified as: Chaotic Neutral.
Federal, on the other hand, does run along the standard grid.
Where Speer’s overall vibe is still very transplant-friendly, given its route past the trendy highlands, the DCPA, and straight into Cherry Creek, Federal is more representative of some of the more chaotic aspects of Denver life and city life generally. I have no problem with Federal Boulevard, but I’ll be the first to admit it’s not the prettiest street in the city, from the used car dealerships to the dusty strip malls. That being said, Federal is also home to a wide array of fabulous Vietnamese restaurants, Mexican restaurants, specialty markets, and 7-11s.
I have heard some grumblings from my friends who live on the west side about gentrification on Federal, and recently, I’ve seen it. They’re putting up those big-blocky-bum-ass-buildings with the color-paneled walls. It’s sad to see. Even if I wouldn’t have categorized Federal as good before, I don’t think putting up a bunch of over-priced complexes is the way to get it there.
Neutral Evil
i-70
I have all the major highways in the evil category, ‘cause fuck a highway. Fuck a highway, ‘cause highways promote car dependence and I dream of a society where everyone takes the bus✊. But also– it might be easier for me to not hate them if driving on them didn’t suck so much ass. Pardon all my profanity, the highways bring out a really ugly side of me. They bring out a really ugly side in all of us. That’s the other part of what makes them so evil.
I initially had i-70 set as Lawful Evil, just because it’s the most predictable and it’s a nice straight line. But upon reflection, and profound discussion with my collaborator, I have decided to move it to the neutral category. To build on that thought, a quote from my collaborator, “i-70 is going to fuck everyone over equally.” So true, king.
Lawful Evil:
6th Avenue
I originally had 6th Avenue in the Neutral Evil category, before i-70 took its place, because if I’m ranking the three highways in order of worst to not-the-worst, I would put it in the middle. I don’t like it because for some reason all of the on and off-ramps for 6th Ave are these heinous roundabout loops, and getting on there from i-25 is really scary and I don’t like it.
However, 6th Avenue is interesting because it’s a whole state highway on the west side, but on the east side, it’s just a street. It runs all the way from the Colorado Mills Malls in Golden to the Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum in Lowry. It runs past the art district and it runs kind of close to Capital Hill. Could be a fun drive.
Chaotic Evil:
i-25
I do not fuck with i-25. I hate that bitch. We do not get along.
Okay, not quite true. I’m going to backtrack. She and I get along from 9 p.m. to 4 a.m. Sunday through Friday (morning). Any other time, she’s dead to me.
I feel like the map apps are constantly trying to trick me into getting onto i-25 specifically. They always claim that it’s the fastest route, but you know that it never ever ever is, because there is always always always a car accident. And you know, I can only drive on a highways where there is literally always at least one major car accident, before the thought of when is it gonna be me in my little Hyundai? starts to really get to you. I don’t drive on i-25 if I can avoid it, but the sad thing is, I can’t always avoid it. Sometimes I have to go to Boulder :’(.
Neutral Good:
Evans Avenue & Downing Street
Again, as a South-East-Denver girl, I like Downing and I like Evans. As I should, because there is nothing wrong with them.
Downing has a nice 30 mph speed limit and it’s usually not too busy, though it sometimes gets backed up around the time schools get out (which is a really wholesome reason for there to be traffic in my opinion u.u). Downing is very cute in general. A lot of trees, a few parks, and the coffee shop I go to. Overall, pretty nice, regular vibes on Downing.
Evans is by no means as cute as Downing, but I feel like the vibes are just as good. It stretches all the way across the city, from East Lakewood to Aurora. There’s the occasional rush-hour traffic jam, but it never lasts long. I used to ride the 21 bus a lot, some people will tell you that route sucks because the bus is never on time, but I would ask the people who say that to consider this: If you never check the bus schedule, the bus is never late u.u.
Lawful Good:
Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard
I have to put Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd here because the guy objectively did and advocated for a lot of lawfully good things. I feel like I don’t need to say much more than that. Of all the streets in Denver named after people I would say he is most deserving.
I want to shout out Bruce Randolph of Bruce Randolph Blvd as well. Bruce Randolph Blvd runs right next to MLK Jr. Blvd. I pass both streets on the way to work, and I was wondering what Bruce Randolph did that was good enough to warrant him getting a street next to MLK Jr’s. It was pretty tricky to find any information about the guy, I ended up having to go to the info page for Bruce Randolph Elementary School, where there is a brief history lesson.
Essentially: Bruce Randolph moved to Denver following his son, Bruce Randolph Jr.. Randolph was a cook, so after he moved he opened a restaurant. He started feeding a lot of unhoused people from around the city out of his restaurant. He became a local hero, and everyone called him Daddy Bruce. I think that’s a very sweet story.
Chaotic Good:
Colfax
I would consider Colfax Denver’s “party street”.Colfax is good if you like your bars divey. Dancing is limited, but not non-existant, and gay bars are thriving. Colfax is a good representation of old-denver-counter-culter. The stretch between Welton and Franklin is like Denver’s Greenwich Village. Transplants will tell you it’s “scary” or that it’s “hard to park” down there. Those kind of people are A.) Just afraid of poor/unhoused people and B.) don’t know that you can park in the Walgreens parking lot and you won’t get a ticket. It is seriously such a red-flag when people diss Colfax, but that’s old news, locals know.
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